Sunday, August 23, 2009
[2:52 AM]
I know a degree is now highly attainable almost anywhere everywhere. It doesn't take one to score straight As and become a Valedictorian to get that highly valuable and sought after piece of printed paper. But I honestly never thought I would get a place in a proper honourable university. My paper will be even more valuable mind you. It's glossier, heavier, produced by the best in the paper manufaturing industry and printed with the deepest and richest black and red one can only imagine exist in Far Far Away (not intending to offend anyone!).
I never cease to amaze myself really. Every corner ahead now seems like a surprise waiting to be discovered. The terrain doesn't look at all forgiving but I'm looking forward to it. Can't wait!
Friday, July 10, 2009
[1:36 AM]
Sure I was nervous, it was my first time so mistakes were bound to happen, screw ups were waiting to jump off the corner and surprise me, catching me off guard, like the hideous little Jack in the box. It wasn't the failing that got me feeling nasty, it was the silly little mistake that I could very well have avoided if I had not let the nerves get the better of me. I didn't fail because I was incompetent or lacking horribly in the necessary skills required. In fact I did quite well and I have points to vouch proof. I failed because I accidentally mounted a roadside curb while making a left turn. Stupid, stooooopid. It's not one of those bad habits like not remembering to signal or check blindspot before turning. No. It had to be curb mounting, a mistake I had only done once or twice when I first started learning, a mistake that rendered me an immediate failure. I can't help feeling like an idiot for making such a simple yet deadly mistake. Stupid stupid stupid.
My life for the next month or so had been planned on the assumption that I would pass the test and get my license. School's starting in less than a month and I'm moving in to the hostel so I need to be able to drive in order to tranport all of my belongings over. My roommate needs help with that too. And once college begins I don't expect myself to have much time left for driving lessons and the test dates are sure to clash with my schedule. I need this to be over and done with pronto and I thought the arrangement couldn't have been more perfect if I were to pass my test this month right before college begins. As I've said earlier, I was expecting to pass, with the flying colours of rainbows and balloons, alongside sparklers and glitter for effect.
I'm largely a very optimistic person. I see good in everything that happens no matter how ridiculously bad it may seem. I always believe there is goodness in everything, things are destined to happen for a reason, we are all part of a greater plan. Things happen in a certain way because they are meant to and I am very proud to say that I think I am a living proof of just that exactly. Whatever that had happened to me in the past years, good or bad, had miraculously been blessings in disguise. Truly grateful for all of it really. So I tried to console myself with that knowledge.
But the harder I tried the more annoyed I was with myself. With pain and sorrow and now annoyance gripping ever so tightly, I had to let it all go and decidedly went to the gym. I threw my tantrum and bantered my body real bad that one of the instructors had to warn me against causing damage to the equipment. How did I turn into a teenager? I never felt more adult in my life than during NS but now that I'm done with it I find myself slowly recovering the teenage years lost during the transition. I get moody, I throw tantrums, I do silly things only young people are capable of doing, I'm back to being a boy again. But my mentality remains matured. So I'm like a man behaving like a child. I hope that's a good thing because at least I'm enjoying youth the way I should, instead of dealing with worldly matters that I know I'll inevitably have to deal with for the rest of my life once I step into the working world proper.
So, I failed my driving test, one of the greatest humiliations of my life.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
[3:39 AM]
Thursday, April 30, 2009
[2:47 AM]
I'm still trying to figure out what it was that triggered the weight loss because I'm desperate for the miracle to happen again. To be fair I'm not exactly fat, decent shape healthy weight really, but I'm concerned with the way my body looks. It's not good enough to be seen bare and in the industry I'm in it is excruciatingly important to look good naked. There is no undermining the importance of a good looking physique where my world is concerned. Not easy for a boy who spent the most part of his growing up loving food. I celebrate food! Food is my greatest love in the world, good sumptuous food, and eating has turned into a habit that's hard to break. I am working on it but the progress is slow, too slow I might just quit.
Monday, April 13, 2009
[1:48 AM]
Recently I've been blessed with the chance of meeting cousins I have been deprived of for more than 10 years, family affair it's complicated. You know how genes have such a major role in shaping the person you are and when you realised you have relatives and family that explain certain things about yourself and not being aware of it growing up, you can't help but ask, why so daft? Why have they been so witless to allow teeny weeny cans of worms rupture the entire structure of a family and deprive future generations of the knowledge of their ancestors, their links and wonders.
Yes I'm furious and yes I'm annoyed but no I'm not playing the blaming game. As a disclaimer, 'they' in this context can be anyone you wish to assume because I have no right to point fingers when I lack knowledge of truth (which I don't see myself acquiring as long as the cold war persists). Perhaps I have no right to judge the problem meager for again I say, I lack so much knowledge. But being the person I am, always just and justified, I can't see why the issues couldn't be resolved and why they would allow us children be victims. I'm not being a child about this because thankfully this whole ordeal have indirectly given me such level of maturity that unfortunately doesn't flatter my age. But it hurts to know that I could have hugged the globe if my hands had not been shortened.
Positively, God has made me into a person who believes strongly in the power of His forces so nothing goes by without me understanding that everything happens for a reason and the reason is for Him to know. I'm grateful to be reunited once again and even more grateful that this is opening me up to even more opportunities that could have been made possible many years back but only happening now because it's meant to. Not complaining, I'm actually thoroughly pleased.
Friday, March 13, 2009
[4:03 AM]
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
[11:16 PM]
I've been doing a lot of work behind the scene, planning for this course, preparing for that lecture, sorting out a certain ceremony, getting all the administration stuff done, etc, I can't remember the last time I conducted an actual lesson. I had to replace a colleague today and I hate teaching lessons I'm not prepared for. It's like going on stage with no routine in mind. So I had to teach this wonderful invention we call submersible pump and boy, did I have a lot to say about that simple equipment! No I didn't do my research prior to the lesson, I had no idea I was going to teach that, and no it's not one of those things I see and operate frequently (it's not a very common equipment, use it approx once every 6 months), but I had all these things to say like a freaking manual! So then I finally realised what kind of a teacher I am.
I teach mostly from experience and knowledge I sub-concsiously gather along the way and I tend to elaborate a little too much. A simple fact like "this is a blue hose" can be well expanded into something like "this is a very special blue hose because it is the only hose that is blue and unlike any other hoses it has two different kinds of connections on either end." And then further elaborate what the connections are and why they are called as such blah blah blah.. I can imagine how tormenting it must be for the trainees. Or is it? But I'm doing them a huge favour because I see these as really important things that ought to be mentioned and I can't bear to leave any out. I feel almost sinful and going against my principles if I were to do that for it is my duty to teach therefore I teach. Today it was disappointing to see their lack of interest in all the noise coming out of my mouth that I had to ask myself, what's the point then, really? Is there such a thing as having too much to teach? Or am I too generous with my sharing of knowledge, too fascinated with its wealth and abundance, that I got too caught up with my ownself, unaware of the effects it has on the receiving side? Surely there are two sides to it. But I'm more concerned about giving. Time to reconsider this teaching attitude of mine perhaps. I am going to do this full time anyway so better start amending its flaws before it becomes inherent in me.
I'm like Ross Gellar of Friends.
So I met a girl, a smart, attractive girl. I told a colleague about her and the kiss she gave in response to my hug. His first reaction? "So did you get an erection?" No I did not! I tried to explain that it was not a boy-you're-so-sexy-i-wanna-have-sex-with-you-tonight sort of kiss but more like boy-i-think-i-like-you-i-wish-i-could-see-you-again-sometime sorta kiss. Somehow I saw his answer coming: "Dude, that's so gay." Why can't boys look at girls in a more cultured way and not just think of them as sex machines? I think there's more than meets the eye when it comes to the opposite sex and one ought to study what's underneath to unearth the true beauty of a person. We're talking about a potential relationship here, not a mere fling! I'm not the kind who sees a gorgeous woman and think "Wow she deserves some hot raw sex from me tonight!" or even "Wow I so want to date her!" Does that make me less of a man? There's something unattractive about being so hot and sexy to me that makes me not want to ask her out. Well yeah I do get the occasional wild fantasies of being dirty and naughty, but not when you're looking for loooveeeee... an actual romance between two opposite sex that transcends physical beauty. Maybe it's just me, my brain, this is what you get when you're in the Lonely Hearts Club longer than you should be. I can't believe I'm turning 21 single and lonely.
Recent experiences have taught me a few great things about friends and relationship (as two separate entities). Friendship is a very seasonal thing. You are friends with so-and-so because you go to school together, members of a same club, etc, there's always this common ground that has to be there for a friendship to work. Common interest therefore connections. But the sincerity of it becomes very questionable. How many of us actually still consider our primary school friends as friends now? There are a few, but how close are we to them? We are closer to people that are connected to us at that period through our activities because we see them everyday. Once done, they become mere acquaintances, people you used to know. I'm lamenting because this whole process is tiring me out and making me wonder if I actually have real friends I can always turn to anytime. A recent incident made me thought about it, and suddenly I'm seeing myself lonely in the near future. I don't fear loneliness but it makes me sad. But my answer is yes, I have real friends, friends of every season, friends who appreciate me for who I am. To hell with seasonal friends, I'm going to be cold and distant when school starts. Hell yeah.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
[12:47 AM]
Again, a classical dance scholar would probably say the same looking at the way we practise contemporary dance with our contorted body movement, flexed feet and hunched backs. So that makes me a hypocrite once again. But I see contemporary dance as a way of breaking free from the rigidity of classical dance, where First position can take on many different forms and a chanet can be done in various body shapes that defy the physics of movement. With such new vocabulary, dance becomes a language that transcends even greater boundaries and since its discovery, has been churning so much creativity that some feared the possibility of it spinning out of control. I'm one of those who believe so.
Attending these installments put up for the season's Fringe festival, I noticed an unbecoming trend among the contemporary dances. They have the grace, talent, skill, attitude, but they have also managed to turn contemporary dance into an unknown piece of art as I've lamented about earlier. The focus is largely on the idea of abstract. It's too abstract that I get so frustrated trying to comprehend and figure out what the whole point of the dance is. While some dance to entertain and others to convey a message, a contemporary dance staged in a little black box like the ones for the festival I believe wishes to portray the latter due to its lack of commercial value as compared to its more favourite counterpart Hiphop. Nobody attends a studio performance to be entertained, we can watch Pussycat Dolls and Beyonce on youtube if that's what we want!
The theme was Art and Family and I was curious what these dancers thought were pressing issues when discussing Family and how they would convey their ideas and concerns. But what I got was abstract abstract abstract. It got even more frustrating when they gave me answers such as "open to interpretations" when asked what their dance was all about. Deductions are made from proper analysis of the holistic overview and supporting evidences from the details. But when there aren't strong enough evidences to support your point, it's hard to come to a conclusion. It's like driving into a wall each time you thought you found something worth noting. It became truly annoying after a while. I wasn't particularly interested in finding the actual theme(s) or idea(s) the choreographers intended to put across (if there was any to begin with) but a good piece would have allowed us to study better into it so we could be allowed to make our respective deductions and interpretations based on our own knowledge and experiences. This is what in my opinion made Fallout by RAWDance a better piece as compared to within.without, and in case you're wondering, no it has nothing to do with the fact that the latter is locally produced. I'm not biased in that sort of way.
within.without managed to capture our attention with its unique approach to the theme. At certain parts, the family unit was portrayed literally, like when they were eating together at the dinner table, and vaguely, like when their dependency on one another was made apparent when any two dancers would seemingly portray their inability to be alone and always had to have contact with each other in order to keep going. The idea of frustration was also well presented, it was pretty obvious that each character tried to show their frustration of being part of that family, possibly caused by each others idiosyncrasies. Some tried to escape but pulled back in by the other members because a family is a family and it will always remain a part of them no matter where they are. Most of the movements however seem to deviate from the issue and became rather unclear why they had been there in the first place. It felt like they were filling in the blank spaces without trying to show any progress in the dance or the theme. The connections between the different blocks weren't strong enough so it became movement after movement after movement and it wasn't even highly entertaining. Tension seemed like the running element throughout the dance and this could be seen in all their choreography and the clever use of humour at appropriate juncture worked rather well. Plot was almost non-existent, probably choreographers preference. At the end of it their frequent use of vagueness left me feeling lost and confused.
Fallout is similar in bringing forth the issue of dependency in a family unit. They did through the idea of freedom vs confinement. The dancers portrayed their desire to be independent of their family members through their vain attempt at escaping. There was a desire to be different and individualistic and that spurred the idea of breaking free, fighting hard for freedom. Unfortunately, no matter how much they tried to they seemed to be troubled by their own desire to be free, guilty of leaving this wonderful thing they understood to be a family. To portray the concept of freedom vs confinement, they made use of picket fence. As one of the choreographers said, "when you have a house with a couch, a tv and surrounded by picket fences, you have yourself a perfect family." Dancers showed their wish to be free by dancing over and around the picket fence, jumping in and out of the family unit, possibly because they were not able to decide which option was better. Along the way the picket fences were moved around. I took this to mean that they realised perhaps the only way around it was trying to adapt themselves to it, where the picket fences represented individuals and the bigger house represented the family unit. The plot was fairly simple and not overzealous and it was portrayed in a way that could be understood if enough attention to details were given. Everything seemed to fall into place each time an assumption was made at any point of time and did not kill it by being overly abstractive. Yet it was intellectual enough to make the audience think and wonder, right to the ending, which in any case came rather unexpectedly to me. The deliberate choice of repeating certain choreography a few times made me picture the dance as a family circle. When we are in a family we tend to do the same things together over and over again possibly out of habit and practice without getting bored and that is one interesting family trait made to surface in the dance. Despite that there will be times when we wish we could do something different for a change and that's when we see one or two dancers dancing a different choreography while the others did the same routine, both of which happened simultaneously to the same music. The humour used seemed rather sinister, like it was scary that it was funny. The only complain I have would be the use of the multimedia background. The dance was good enough without it because I was paying more attention to the dancers than the background but each time I looked at it it took me away from what was going on on the dance floor as I found myself trying to interpret the meaning behind it. Such things I believe should aid and enhance the dance further, not take attention away from the actual dancing and confuse the audience more.
I guess I should warn that this is not a review or commentary of any sort, nor is it an analysis or a practical appreciation and comprehension. This has merely been my thoughts and views of which had been based purely on my limited understanding of the particular art and industry (we're learning as we go and grow..) I shall not be held liable for any unauthorised use of any part of this entry especially so if it causes any harm or damage of any sort to anyone or anything. You know the internet..
Monday, December 01, 2008
[2:21 PM]
And the flu bugs have landed! Groans.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
[11:02 AM]