Wednesday, December 31, 2003
[10:56 PM]
wait!!! daniel beddingfield's if ur not the one is number 5!!!
kay... ready? here we go...
my year was started with a broad smile on my face. hehee... well thats exactly because mrs tan called up 2 days before school re-open informing my eligibility to enter my dream class. whoa! i thought i was crying happily... hehehe... anyway... yeah sooo that was how interestingly my year started off.
soon life didnt turn out as expected. i was doing kinda well with my studies. baru baru start lah katerkan... then all got distrupted becos someone whom i thought i can well call a friend turned his back on me. i dunnoe how it came about... but soon enuf i was hated in the school. basically by the sec 3 malay guys. i got popular for being a flirt, backstabber, untrustworthy... blah blah blah yada yada... im like the rotten one there... and i remembered that time i broke down in the canteen in front of hilmi and hajar... cos i just cant tahan anymore of what was revolving around me every single day then. oh but no worries... im happy now! cos i thought all these are just craps and shouldnt have been bodered. but it wasnt easy actually. it took me more than eerrmmm... 4 months i think to get over all this. and anyway... i still have not discovered the truth (if there should be any...) of what actually had been happening... or is happening... im sooo clueless. but i paid no attention at all! muahaha... THAT turned me into such a carefree kid.
oh anyway... all between those troubles... i met something i call love. muahaha... i fell in love yea. its love at first sight. i saw this ahem on one fine saturday on the bus to school. jin hong was standing beside her then. the one i thought i truly like... the one from 4e6. unfortunately... i still am not going to reveal who the girl is... never. no one knows. not even my closest closest closest friends. im sooo secretive! muahaha... im sorry guys... but i thought it might be better if i just shuddup. oh and anyway... that gurl never left my mind... not till she graduated. even then i still miss her. i miss her now. sigh. i remembered how i used to sneak to look at her across the block into her class whenever its english lesson. cos english class was in 3e6 class... band 1 mahh... hehhehe... =P alah that was then... next year no more hope to be in band 1. big chances of getting into band 5. sob sob.
falling into her was kinda problematic. i was trying to get to know her name. cos i got sick of dreaming of her without knowing her name. sooo one day i peek into 4e6 class list. and somehow i just picked out one name following my gut feelings. i thought it would turn out good. i thought it gonna work. hahah but i was proven terribly wrong. i picked out one name, yan zhen, which turn out to be one very handsome guy. muahahahha... i was like... oh-oh... when i gotta about it. well i found out also becos he's shearlene's bf. i didnt know that. but i remembered it was nitemare when i found that out. i know it is something good to be luffed upon. but trust me it wasnt as funny as expected. that im going to continue in the next paragraph.
somehow... yan zhen might have found out or something... or he might have felt something was going on. and sooo whenever he and his friends saw me... there will be like silence and stares. kinda scary. why? cos they might think im a gay! that is like sooo fucking scary man! hahah but i keep cool. but funny lah... no matter how hard i tried to avoid his gang... we will still bang into each other... go home in the same bus lah... go to school also... oftenly we got on the same bus. haiyoh... but anyway he graduated already... sooo peace now. fooooooooohh!!! muahaha... just wishing him good luck with his O results! =P
with all these stuff happening all at the same time... i somehow got stressed up. and i actually lost some weight... and i cant wear my school pants anymore. i had to ask my mum to alter it like alot lot lot of times. i thought i lost some 10kg or something. alah but that was then... now since everything's over and holiday summore... i think i gained weight back. argh! wasted sia. no actually not sure yet. gonna check in school. but i got a big feeling i might actually gain weight. i feel alot fatter now. dammit! sigh.
and another impact was on my studies. i slacked habes sakz! my chemistry was terrible. oh interestingly my physics didnt get that bad actually... then a.maths was like totally hopeless. oh on the other hand... i made marvellous improvement in my e.maths! muahahah... and urmm... accounts was the same the whole year. sometimes up sometimes down. but never perfect. then i put in more effort in my humanities. basically history. social studies is never interesting. but since i bacame carefree near the end of year... my L1R5 got better by one mark. mid yr i remembered was totally hopeless. end-of-yr was alot better... except for a.maths and accounts and physics and chemistry. oh shrugs! thats like almost three-quarter of the subjects. but one mark was kinda satisfying actually. at least...
then comes ramadhan. i realised i was suddenly sooo eager for its arrival. and... i met my ex-crush at terawih. and this dear dear muser here fell in love yet again. sigh. but it was more of being heart-broken than being in love. oh and i met yusof again... the guy from st joseph... and i remembered how much i had wanted to get into sji... jealous dok! but nevermind...
hari raya this year wasnt as happy as the ones i had before... cos my dear grandma passed away in the first week of ramadhan. i cant bear the hurt in me having her dead. did i say hurt? i mean hurt being sad... i love sooo much. shes like the bestest grandma in the world. and she was as healthy as can be. her death was sooo damn shocking that now, whenever i see or hear people's death... even people whom i dunnoe... i would immediately covered with sorrow. and i would break down at that very instance. nowadays... i would always feel something's missing... hari raya was not at all complete without having her anywhere near me. sure my peeps know how terribly i cried in class when my dad sms-ed me informing me about her death... i was mourning about it the whole of a.maths lesson. and now theres nothing i can do beside sedekahkan my late grandma doa dan bacaan ayat-ayat suci al-Quran. i regret for not hugging her the last time i saw her in the hospital while she was in coma. i might not be able to forgive myself for that... last year's hari raya was sorrowed by my late aunty, arwah mak comel's death. i forgot her real name but that was what we called her as. she died of a terrible breast cancer. and it was sad to see her suffer so much. seeing her lying helplessly on the bed every single day not able to do anything else. just like all my relatives death... i didnt see her die. i wasnt there at the last moments of grandma and her. another thing i can forgive myself for...
i think i should stop now. before i cried anymore further.
mink. ciao.
and sooo... that was how my year 2003 life went...
filled with hatred and joy but more of sorrow...