Thursday, December 16, 2004
[11:19 PM]
i am sooo not allowing anyone, or ANYTHING for that fact, to influence the way i behave. i am so beginning to deteste tv shows with sappy ending. for they make me feel wrong! like all wrong! like im beginning to feel as if my life is worth nothing like there are people out there with a much better and meaningful life trillion times better than mine. im just this piece of shit. useless. stinking. unwanted. fuck it man! everything about me is deteriorating. however you spell it i dont give a damn. flush me down someone. please. im begging.
God it's killing me! do you know how it feels like to have someone to look up to only to realise you are nothing to him than a prickly pain in the ass? like you are totally unwanted. like im living in a totally different world, always doing the wrong thing at the wrong place at the wrong time. like i would have been better off dead. oh please. who am i trying to kid. who would even want to come close to me. this shitty nerd who knows nothing more other than to whine all day long. i should just tell myself to just shut the fucking up. but i cant take the lead role any longer in this play i didnt agree on at all. the characters around me are putting up masquerades dammit. fucking masquerades to make themselves appear superb to me and it's gonna stick to their fucking faces so i wont ever find out whatever's underneath. gah im so stupid i wont even know they are trying to hide from me.
...they tell us we dont know. wont find out until we grow...
tell me about it.