Friday, December 10, 2004
[11:05 PM]
anyhow... hmm... i think im getting fatter. i have been eating too much lately and exercising seems like history. gah. and i dont care if this sounds gay. im particular about how i look. come on lah, who isnt? everyone is. often i would be told, a guy shouldnt be saying that. exactly. that's the point im trying to make. a guy shouldnt be saying something of such sort. but does that mean a guy shouldnt be thinking of something like that? your mind is free. it's a free country. it's a free world. we have the freedom to say out our mind. there's no such thing as a guy shouldnt do this, a guy shouldnt do that... it's up to us for goodness sake! we have the right to control whatever is in our hands. and by the way, there is no such thing as a style that cant suit a person or the person's kinda look. get the facts right, style doesnt make itself suit a person but the person has to make himelf suit to that style he adores. no one has the right to say oh hiphop is not for you that kinda thing. you like it, suit yourself to it. no one's stopping you. like i said, it's a free country it's a free world. you are able to do AND say whatever you wish. fuck the people who tries to stop you. unless if it's for your own good. you know what i mean... use your fucking brain and think. God didnt grant you that for nothing. be grateful. be thankful. use it. think.
what was i talking about up there? wtf. period. anyway, oh today was just so wonderful. haha. we went ice skating. sara, yana, arman and me. i was having lotsa fun! and oh! i managed to conquer my fear of speed! i didnt exactly go THAT fast but it was quite an achievement for me. well the last time i went ice skating, i was always fearing falling because i realise i dont have a good grip of myself given the lack of friction on the ground. but hey! today, i ignored all that and tried to propel myself forward. thank God my skates were of bigger size than the previous time. so my feet were much more comfy and ooohh... miraculously, aint no blisters! none! nil! nehi! non! actually... oui (that is yes for french), there are, but those are of the last ice skating session with shaikh they all. this time round, nothing! im so proud of myself. but i fell more too. lol. the kids with those metal thingy were annoying as ever, coming into my way every now and then. wtf. but whatever it is, i know i was having a good time. at the end of the thing, arman told me i skated like a robot. bad seh! what the hell... but i dont care! as long as i enjoyed myself, im satisfied. now now... time to look for more money so i can go for more ice skating sessions and urm, try to improve myself and try to NOT make myself look like a robot while i skate. *glares at arman* muaahaha! you owe me money still! macam loanshark sakz... lol. bleargh.
was talking to mum about my joining the fashion industry just now. as always, the answer's no. but i wont stop asking though. it's gonna be like a once-in-a-few-months routine thing. im waiting for a yes. until then, i wont stop trying. this time round, i asked something else as well. i was like okay fine she doesnt allow me, of cos the same old reason, that stereotype thinking linking fashion industry to gays... and then i asked, what about taking up fashion designing as a freelance or part time thing alongside the typical school i have to keep on attending, and guess what? she's okay with that! i was ecstatic (sp?) i tell you. sooo even though the fashion thing wont be what my future job gonna of, at least i dont have to leave that passion aside! i can still pursue them but with slightly less priority placed on them. i dont mind. no i actually i still do. for i wont stop asking her. i can already see myself as a designer... and that's what i wanna do for a living. it's in me. what am i suppose to do? i hate having to lie to myself and make myself believe oh i might probably be interested in sciences someway somehow... no i cant. someone help me! eh no. wrong. God help me! (need any help always ask for God above all) sighh...
tomorrow... jeng jeng jeng... hiphop fest, here we come! wooot wooot! bleargh. im not as eager as i was about the fashion fiesta thing yesterday. but nevertheless it's still something good to look forward to, and oh, time to let myself loose? haha. taufik's gonna be there. (so what's new?) haha i have got nothing against him lah. i respect him for his achievement. but i think it's getting too out of control. girls are like running after him... come on lah, give him some space to breathe. only last year he was performing at the same hiphop fest thing and back then, no one actually cared much about him, didnt bother to find out who he is, what he does for a living and all... only now. only now. things change. i hate them changes. changes are trying to get a hold of our life until we have to raise white flags. wtf. changes changes... i hate changes. which reminds me of a song. this song i have in my system. changes. by whoever the guy's name is alongside that osbourne. funny. no not the song. the song's rather meaningful i thought. but it's slow and sappy. shrug. osbourne=slow song? hmm... good eh? nice.
funnily... im tired. and almost dozing off. must have been the ice skating. but i refuse to sleep! i dont wanna sleep! well at least not now. i dont want to sleep now. gah. oh on the way back from woodlands stadium (dont ask me what i was doing there), saw ziyang sitting behind cp, all alone. not exactly. he had a guitar with him. consider that as a teman. i pity than guy. i dont know what his problems are, but im pretty sure they are quite bad. shanadz wont tell. of course. it's personal. and she doesnt have the right to tell me either. so i didnt ask. whatever it is, i wish him all the best and sure hope everything would be alright. ahh... yes of course... gotta upload the photos. if i still have the energy to do so. try try... im out. night people. sweetdreams. take care.