Relentlessly Superior.

Friday, May 13, 2005
[9:03 PM]

i keep saying the wrong things at the wrong time, yet i'm still in council. sigh. but it wasn't done on purpose. like just now, ck was asking why my portfolio wasn't up on the council board and since i was some distance away from him, i shouted oh they don't like me that's why. but it was meant to be a joke lah. actual fact is i was absent when i had to submit my portfolio yesterday so i only gave it to them today. so anyway, yeah i shouted, only to realise moments later that kenneth, the vice president of council, was sitting inches away from me. God knows if he heard what i said. he had his mp3 player plugged into his ears though. so yeah... these kinda things happen so often by accident and yet i'm still running for elections. don't they want to boot me off? sack me? take the burden off me? please? i'm tired of contemplating between dance and council. i would love to be a councillor, but i wouldn't want to put my passion for dance at stake. once i'm in council i can't quit. so chances are i might have to drop dance. and i don't want that to happen. fine i know council would be a definite plus point in my testimonial. universities and employers prefer those with leadership positions. but this is my passion. and this could be the only time i have to pursue it. it's impossible for me to get into NUS dance cos they are like damn good and they only seek the extremely pro ones. and you don't dance in NS. and i find joining external dance classes rather useless. like you learn for a certain period of time and then that's it. i don't think you get to go out and perform stuff like that. so it is now or never.

i'm still confused. i'm giving it all up to God. He will decide for me for He knows best. i will still go through the elections and campaigns and all those shit then it depends lah whether our fellow saints will vote for me or not. i think i will be happy if i don't get selected, but i will be happy if i get selected as well. i'm trying my best to see it as a win-win situation, if that's possible... it seems pretty unfair cos it's like the students in team sajc are able to juggle both cca and council, but not dancers. it's really sad lah. there are quite a number of ruggers, soccer players, hockey players etc who are in council, but none from dance society. crap lah. it's so unfair. but life's never been fair anyway...

and i hate it when people laugh at me for pursuing something that i love. is that suppose to be some form of encouragement? i bet.

why do people always treat me like i have no feelings? ae. helo. i'm a human too. there's a limit as to how much joke i can take on me. it's super annoying man...

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