Tuesday, June 21, 2005
[12:41 PM]
okay that was me when i was at the library all alone from 10 to 1, before smity-mighty came. it was freaking cold and i was wearing a freaking pair of shorts. i couldn't concentrate. i was getting tired. my eyes were heavy. so i used the computer there. i wonder how girls can go to the library in their fbt shorts.
reading history notes make me sleepy. lately i have the tendency of not knowing what i am reading. and it doesn't help to know that all my subjects require intensive reading. ah now i miss doing maths. it keeps me awake. but too much of it makes me sick. argh im not meant to be a student here. singapore's education system is not for me. it doesn't suit me. no, i don't suit it. eh, no, eh, ARGH! whatever lahhhh...
why did my parents send me to singapore for my education? we could have just stayed back in our hometown. but of course the education system there is not as prestigious as singapore's. but life is much easier and less complicated there. i wasn't the best art student back in kindergarten for nothing know. if i had stayed there i could have very well pursued further in arts and excel in it.
ah im such a disappointment to my parents. i can't be what they want me to be. im such a lousy crap. i can't be like abg iqbal. im not the HC RJ type. i can't be a doctor. i can't do chemistry for nuts. i failed my O level chem in fact. im beginning every sentence with I. it's getting annoying. im getting annoying. im annoyed with my ownself. im angry with myself for dwelling with all this unnecessary thoughts instead of just moving ahead with life as it is. seriously what's the point of looking back wondering how different life could have been if i had taken different routes and made different decisions. like the most recent one where i asked myself why did i choose riverside over acs(i). cummon dude it's over. no point thinking about it. take it as fate. our lives have been planned by God.
but no one is fated to be stupid.