Relentlessly Superior.

Sunday, June 12, 2005
[1:04 PM]

you might wanna check out this blog owned by a fellow dancer of mine. no offence to the christians reading this but honestly, i felt so disturbed after reading his entry about his church camp. i'm baffled for words... i dunno what to say. it is just so... disturbing. i felt sinful. so sinful that i realised i am no where close to Allah. i felt so ashamed of myself for not being faithful enough. the level of devotion the christians have for their God and religion is so high that it makes me seem like i'm treating Allah as nothing. skipping prayers, bending the rules, ignoring the laws, what have become of me? where is that fear for the Maker? where is that love for the Mighty One? i'm spending way too much time for my ownself and much less for my God. when was the last time i opened the Quran and read it? when was the last time i even touched it? when was the last time i felt His presence in me as i pray? i am so full of sins that it is becoming so hard for me to focus when i pray. i'm scared. i'm afraid that if i don't change soon it's gonna be too late for me to cleanse myself and seek His love and forgiveness. the end is coming close. closer than we think it is. soon enough the sun will stop rising in the east but emerge from the west instead. it's not science it's not astronomy it's God's sign that the end is here. and once that happens, the door to forgiveness will be closed. God is giving us all the time now to purify ourselves and seek for Him but alas, we are not seizing the opportunity. it's not easy to run away from sins. satans are always there whispering evils into our ears. even now, right at this moment, i can smell their presence around me. dear Allah, release me from their evil. i wanna be with You. i wanna be with You and only You my dear Allah. i pray for You to open my heart and cleanse me from all the sins so i can feel Your presence in me instead of the satans. i wanna be with You in Your heaven. i don't wanna miss the chance to finally getting to see you right before my eyes. bring me close to You oh Allah. i beg You. i pray to You. Amin.

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