Saturday, October 15, 2005
[9:21 PM]
what could you be thinking when you look at me secretly from your corner and turn away when i saw you looking at me?
i have to admit i like it. because i'm beginning to like you the first time i noticed your sharp eyes staring straight at me. oh how can i forget that one fine day that happened. you looked. and you looked. and you looked. you've been studying me. i can't quite confirm that myself actually.
we've been stealing glances from each other. and it makes me feel comfortable and uncomfortable all at the same time.
is my hair okay, do i look weird walking like this or like that, is there anything on my teeth, does my smile look weird. i'm beginning to get self concsious.
what's with the phrase "undress me with your eyes"?
you however look as perfect as one can be in my eyes, like a pearl in an oyster, so smooth, so shiny, so delicate, so pure, so precious. you brighten up my life, or its non-existance, and if it's you i see first thing in the morning, the smile on my face would never cease throughout the day.
but now, now i'm beginning to hate you. because you made me think of you all the time. i'm losing sleep because i never can get you out of my mind. but you are not to be blamed, dear. and i take back my words about hating you. i love it everytime my mind wanders off to our secret place where only you and i exist. i long for that day when our feelings are virgin all over again and the process starts anew.
the game of love, the kind i thought i would never be a part of. it's driving me crazy.
---------------------
Dear God Almighty,
i don't know what i have done or need to do to be deserving this from You but there is no one else out there that i can look to for help. God, i pray you give me strength in facing these challenges You have designed specially for me. God, i hereby admit i'm too weak to handle Your mighty challenges and i hereby admit there is nothing i can do without You by my side. God, You know my struggle and You know what i want deep inside. but You also know what is best for me. i have done so much to make things go the way i want them to but there is nothing i can do now other than to look to You and let my faith in You grow ever more. God, hear our prayers and cries for help as we struggle through these obstacles. help all of us who are in great need of Your help. we've not been truly consistent in singing our praises for You but You do know our faith in You will always be there and we won't allow it to dwindle, not a single bit. we thank You for these challenges because only through them are we reminded of Your greatness. euphoria leads us to evil as ironic as that may sound. God, help us. God, help me. i need You. You know very well what's on my mind right now. only You can make things happen. there is no miracle other than one You would create. we trust You we believe in You we always will.
Amin.