Friday, July 10, 2009
[1:36 AM]
Sure I was nervous, it was my first time so mistakes were bound to happen, screw ups were waiting to jump off the corner and surprise me, catching me off guard, like the hideous little Jack in the box. It wasn't the failing that got me feeling nasty, it was the silly little mistake that I could very well have avoided if I had not let the nerves get the better of me. I didn't fail because I was incompetent or lacking horribly in the necessary skills required. In fact I did quite well and I have points to vouch proof. I failed because I accidentally mounted a roadside curb while making a left turn. Stupid, stooooopid. It's not one of those bad habits like not remembering to signal or check blindspot before turning. No. It had to be curb mounting, a mistake I had only done once or twice when I first started learning, a mistake that rendered me an immediate failure. I can't help feeling like an idiot for making such a simple yet deadly mistake. Stupid stupid stupid.
My life for the next month or so had been planned on the assumption that I would pass the test and get my license. School's starting in less than a month and I'm moving in to the hostel so I need to be able to drive in order to tranport all of my belongings over. My roommate needs help with that too. And once college begins I don't expect myself to have much time left for driving lessons and the test dates are sure to clash with my schedule. I need this to be over and done with pronto and I thought the arrangement couldn't have been more perfect if I were to pass my test this month right before college begins. As I've said earlier, I was expecting to pass, with the flying colours of rainbows and balloons, alongside sparklers and glitter for effect.
I'm largely a very optimistic person. I see good in everything that happens no matter how ridiculously bad it may seem. I always believe there is goodness in everything, things are destined to happen for a reason, we are all part of a greater plan. Things happen in a certain way because they are meant to and I am very proud to say that I think I am a living proof of just that exactly. Whatever that had happened to me in the past years, good or bad, had miraculously been blessings in disguise. Truly grateful for all of it really. So I tried to console myself with that knowledge.
But the harder I tried the more annoyed I was with myself. With pain and sorrow and now annoyance gripping ever so tightly, I had to let it all go and decidedly went to the gym. I threw my tantrum and bantered my body real bad that one of the instructors had to warn me against causing damage to the equipment. How did I turn into a teenager? I never felt more adult in my life than during NS but now that I'm done with it I find myself slowly recovering the teenage years lost during the transition. I get moody, I throw tantrums, I do silly things only young people are capable of doing, I'm back to being a boy again. But my mentality remains matured. So I'm like a man behaving like a child. I hope that's a good thing because at least I'm enjoying youth the way I should, instead of dealing with worldly matters that I know I'll inevitably have to deal with for the rest of my life once I step into the working world proper.
So, I failed my driving test, one of the greatest humiliations of my life.