Thursday, June 17, 2010
[8:13 AM]
Fast forward, about 6 years later, here I am realising what he really meant when he had said all those rather mean demoralising things that fateful day. For here I am going through what could possibly be the exact same thing my English teacher could have gone through himself, having chosen to do my major in English Language. I finally realised how painful this subject is and what great pain people like us take to learn the nitty gritty details of this wretched thing, that most people often take for granted, using it in whatever mean they deem comfortable, or cute, or cool, or just plain ridiculous.
It has been one full year in university and I have taken up to four full modules of this subject. And boy, what a ride it has been. It really is not so simple. This language that we use practically all the time especially due to its universal nature is really not that straight forward. I know I have always been quite a pain in the ass perfectionist and I know it always irritates people especially those who end up working with me in group projects, but there is nothing more irritating than obvious grammatical error and people who find it oh so adorable to be making fun of the language by making it appear stylish with the alternate capital structure lIkE tHiS. Which is why I warn anyone who approaches me to have their assignment peer vetted that it is not going to be pretty and they are doing it at the risk of having their self-esteem shattered into tiny pieces. Which is also why I hate to do peer editing, not because I am too selfish to be helping a friend, but often I find myself tearing my hair out at the way some people use the language. It just annoys me and makes me want to redo the entire assignment for them, often much to their pleasure of course.
Well indeed, we have thus completed one whole year of college, only three more years to go. One year has not been that long surprisingly. Time surely flies when you are bombarded with an endless flow of assignment and projects and before you know it, it is time for the exams and then vacation. At this juncture, I still can't seem to believe that I am really in college. I seem to be living in the past all the time, like how I can still remember vividly the day I had to list the JCs that I'd like to go to upon release of the O-Level results, and when I actually received the horrendous results from the A-Level. And how about the many unforgettable memories of the amazing life that was NS (I'm saying this without the slightest hint of sarcasm, trust me, for I loved my NS life). See, I always live in the past, reliving the glorified days, the good times, always the good times, wishing all the time that I could go back in time and go through them all over again. It happens rather sub-consciously. It is not my desire to remain in the past nor am I scared of the future whatsoever. The past few years have just been rather blissful for me, surprisingly, thank be to God, so I can't help but continue to be amazed up till this day. It's truly a blessing that I could actually make it to college (even though not the one I had seen myself in all this while).
A year had gone by but I still find myself struggling to keep up with the changes within the immediate environment and trying to fit in with the colourful people I am surrounded with, especially the giggly girls who seem to be obsessed with fashion, entertainment and boys. I had grown very accustomed to the no-nonsense, straight forward, top-down practice of the uniform group and it seemed to fit me well, so it will take a while before I can start feeling youthful, vibrant and gay all over again. I think I've grown older than my age or probably turned into a heartless robot whose concern is primarily getting the work done perfectly and working towards achieving the greater aspirations of life, whatever that might be. Little things that make one human like love and relationship and dating and having fun and being sad over an unreciprocated infatuation, they seem to be missing in me now. It is sad, but I am not about to give up. Not at this age certainly! I have got my whole life ahead of me for crying out loud.
When you think of college, you think of wild frat parties, girls and boys being wild, drinking, smoking, weed, sex, sex, sex and more sex. But you see, college life in Singapore is quite the opposite. There are no wild frat parties, there are no girls (or boys) dancing topless in playboy-like mansions, college students here just can't afford the luxury of such carefree life. In my first semester mid last year, I decided to stay in a hostel on campus to truly live the desirable college life. Soon I realised I was spending all my nights, and I really mean all my nights, stuck in my room, trying to complete whatever assignment there was to complete. That's also because I barely spent enough time to socialise and have fun with fellow hallmates after school hours given the hectic dance rehearsals that I had. So every night I would be in the dance studio rehearsing my ass off and then I would get back about midnight to finish off school work before school starts again the next day. There was no time to socialise! There were no amazing adventures within the dorm, or sneaky perverse acts, or anything that could be remotely spicy to be spoken of. Well, that's the reality of college life for you. Don't believe what you see on TV all the time. Especially when you're in Singapore.
Maybe it is not that bad. Maybe it is just the way I had wanted it to be. I know of fellow college students who make the effort to be wild and have some fun, but they do it at the expense of their grades. People who make the most fun out of college are the ones who seem to be scoring very poorly in the exams. So I guess it is up to you. Would you rather live the frat life you've always dreamed of while allowing your grades to suffer, or would you rather be a boring person but always making it to the Dean's list? I think at this stage, it is wiser to choose the latter. Sure you can have fun once in a while, but to let your education suffer as a result is absolutely uncalled for. It's just plain foolish. What's your purpose of making it to college in the first place? But of course, don't be a geek. It's not cool man. Weak, super weak.
The results for last semester's exam had already been released. I did okay I guess. Slight improvement from the previous semester, but I had expected even better considering the steady performance throughout the semester. But this is certainly more than I could have asked for. The first time I saw the number 4 in my GPA last semester I was filled with so much joy and gratitude to the One and Only that I actually got emotional and started tearing a little. Hilarious, come to think of it, for we were out of town, in a little Internet cafe on a foreign land, hoping to earn ourselves some well-deserved vacation. That has since set the benchmark. A little scary if you ask me for this is only the first year. There will be 3 more years to go, 2 exams each year, and a new GPA score to be computed at the end of each exam. I expect nothing but the best. So, I'm scared. Terrified. Petrified.
So that pretty much wraps up the amazing and wonderful first year in college. It's the summer break now, about 4 months of holiday before Year 2 begins in September. I've been to Yogyakarta, a thrilling but fun-filled adventure to the land where time moves really slowly, of which I had planned to write a complete journal of the entire journey but stopped halfway for I ran out of gas. This weekend I will be in Kuala Lumpur, just a simple getaway to celebrate a friend's birthday. I do wish I could go to many more places for I've grown very much akin to travelling and backpacking, but the budget is limiting such possibility. I have to start saving a little more for we won't be receiving allowance from the government in Year 3 and 4. So I can't afford to splurge at my heart's content and jetset to all these foreign lands as much as I want to. Sacrifices will have to be made. It sucks even more that we can't really get a job because that'd be considered moonlighting due to our bond with the "gahmen" so I'm bumming around most of these days, having nothing else better to do. Good thing I got myself a gig starting next week. At last something to keep myself occupied with. I'll go crazy if I were to continue staying in my room watching Southpark day in day out for the next 2 more months, for that is exactly what I've been doing since exams ended in May.
Also, I think I might have found love again. It's pretty rocky, this internet dating thing, but I'm very much out of practise so I can't seem to make it work the traditional way anymore. If this works out well, it'd be my second successful attempt at internet dating. Loser, right? Hey at least I'm dealing with love once again. I thought I had long forgotten about it. Too bad I'm not the kind of person who could be sitting at Starbucks, reading, sipping coffee, and scoring a chick at the same time. But this new one seems pretty interesting. A seemingly fragile little fellow who has had jerks for boyfriends in the past. Boy, this is going to be tougher that I thought..