Relentlessly Superior.

Saturday, December 04, 2010
[6:26 PM]

I bought this book not as a form of support or advocation of liberal thinking in their definition, much against my principles, but as an exploration to feed this burgeoning sense of curiosity that I have always hoped to be able to lead me into some kind of unnatural paradigm, so unnatural that it is natural. I left it sitting on the shelves, not wanting to infuse or perhaps confuse myself with such wayward liberalism during this harsh time. It's been almost three weeks, but I got bored of the seemingly contentious but actually dry substances political agendas could offer that I caved in and submitted myself to a potentially havoc and wreck inducing journey for my weak weak heart.

But it wasn't so bad. It was funny, moving, emotional most definitely, but more importantly, it was enlightening. Suddenly what just happened most recently came into clear perspectives and started to fall into the right places. I should say no and cease these things we have been exposing ourselves to most adamantly these past two weeks, which instead of clearing any doubts, only propelled me further into the darkness leaving me with situations I wasn't sure about managing. There are perceptions I need to care most about and reactions I would have to deal with whether I like or not. But why stop now when I have only begun? M's death in the first chapter reminded me of the road I could have taken if I hadn't found out the truth behind a once potential lover. It was beautiful regardless and I found myself quite fond of pursuing it further. But to be where they have been and put ourselves on a similar pedestal of empirical acceptance (or denial and ignorance?) would perhaps be insulting.

I will continue in my pursuit of searching for this other place. The destination is unclear, and the direction is arbitrary, and there will be some who would seem kind enough to accompany me along the way. But I have learned to be realistic, for idealistic expectations would only bring me back to where I began.

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